Life, rest, sleep, death is a scale! 🤸🥱😴⚰️

Could it be that sleeping is a “little death” and that death is nothing more than a “big sleep”? Photo by Kinga Cichewicz

It seems to me that life and death are not opposed to each other in a binary way but on a gradual scale, so that we can be more or less alive and more or less dead. Sleep seems to be a “little death” and therefore, on the other hand, death might be nothing more than “big sleep”.

Most people assume that we are either alive or dead. I, however, think that we will gain better insights into the nature of life and consciousness if we adopt a non-binary view of the matter.

In my view life and death are relative phenomena on a scale similar to day and night where we have all kinds of intermediate stages.

So that’s my framework for saying that sleep looks like death to some extent, and that death is only more of what sleep is to a lesser extent.

During daytime we are very much alive; that’s aware and in motion. But during sleep we are (almost) calm, silent and motionless, and we have (almost) no experience at the physical level.

Even more so this is the case in a comatose state of mind where we are totally unconscious. However, neither sleep nor coma is as much of unmoving and unconsciousness as is death and therefore death is further down that scale.

Sleep and death in plant life

If we look at plant life, I think this point is even easier to observe and realize. For example, flowers open up during the day and shut down at night, so it looks a lot like if they are awake during the day and sleeping at night.

But in winter plants have a more radical sleep that is “dead-like” to a further degree.

So, for example, the flowers, fruits and leaves of trees disappear in winter. These parts of the trees fall off and thus become dead flowers, fruits and leaves.

The trees themselves also look as if they were dead, but of course they are not completely dead and in spring they “come back to life” again.

So when it comes to plant life, it is relatively easy to see that the sleepers and the dead have some similarities.

To say that sleep and death are consequently the same is too much, but I think the two can best be understood as different phenomena on the same life and death spectrum rather than completely separate and diverse phenomena.

No real death?

Going a bit further down this line of thought it seems to me that the life/death scale is really a presence/absence scale.

Apparently life is the “presence” of consciousness, whereas death means “absence” of consciousness (on the physical level).

Where consciousness goes during its absence, we cannot know for sure, but when we are asleep it is supposedly in “dreamland”.

If it is true that sleep is actually a “little death” then, on the other hand, death might be just a “big sleep” where we have departed from the physical plane to go somewhere else but where that absence of consciousness is not necessarily tantamount to its extinction.

Personally, I think the scale indicates that there is no real death but only the coming and going of life and consciousness on the physical level.

Goethe on reincarnation

I just realized that Goethe believed in reincarnation. The German writer, scientist and philosopher was born in 1749 in Frankfurt am Main and died in 1832 in Weimar. 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was one of the most prominent writers of his day. He is considered to be the greatest German literary figure of the modern era. 

Reincarnation is a rather common belief in Western countries today, for instance in Denmark (where I come from) it is held by one in four. In Goethe’s lifetime, however, it must have been very unusual since beliefs were still primarily shaped by traditional Christianity.

For more Goethe quotes on reincarnation, see here.

Personal development: Here’s the road map

Martinus’s symbol no. 33, “Animal and Human Thought Climates”, is a great road map to personal development.

Especially if you are a newcomer to the subject, personal development may seem confusing with its rich variety of opinions, approaches and methods. Where to start? And which way to go? The answers depend on your issues and goals but in any case you might benefit from a general overview or a road map. My favorite one was provided by the Danish author and mystic Martinus (1890-1981).

Martinus Cosmology is, among other things, a thorough and comprehensive guide to personal development. Martinus’s writings on these issues were extensive but not just that because he also drew many symbols that provide accessible overviews.

The symbols are often both beautiful and informative. You can see all of them here.

This article concerns itself with just one of them, no. 33, which is a great road map to personal development because it shows who we are, where we came from and where we are headed.

Symbol 33 is called “Animal and Human Thought Climates”. For obvious reasons sometimes we also refer to it as “the tie-symbol”.

It not only maps our present day psychology but deals with human development within the framework of an evolutionary scheme that covers numerous incarnations on Earth.

According to Martinus we are now on a transitional stage in between the animal and “real human” kingdoms. 

His presentation of the symbol extends over many pages in The Eternal World Picture 3. The book is available for online reading here. 

I will give you a brief presentation of each of the symbol figures and highlight a few of the major difficulties that we typically face during this transition.

The general overview, symbol no. 33

In order to ease the presentation, I refer to the figure numbers on the “Registration of Symbol No. 33” (symbol no. 33A).

Symbol no. 33 covers huge time spans. The large left hand side figure is divided into smaller, horizontal sections that symbolize “periods of evolution”. Its orange part is purely animal (sections 21-24) whereas the yellow part is truly human (sections 31-34).

In between we see a period (both orange and yellow) where we are mixed creatures. The animal part is degenerating and the human is growing. This is us, terrestrial humans (sections 25-30).

Since we evolved on Earth for a long time already, present day mankind is situated primarily in sections 27 and 28. 

The animal part of our nature is egoistic. During the transition we contribute to our personal growth by trying to counter that egoism. In time we become truly humane, or all-loving, instead. 

It’s a slow and organic process.

Some people have evolved further along those lines than others but how far we came is basically a matter of evolution, not choice, and therefore we cannot blame anyone or force anything.

You may feel ashamed of yourself, for instance due to envy or anger but you don’t have those emotions by chance. They are desirable in the animal kingdom where they support self-preservation and since we are partly animals they are still there.

Destination wholeness: The double poled state 

Way to the right we see a figure with violet squares that signify reincarnation or rebirth. The number of incarnations are, however, far greater than squares shown in the symbol. Due to our continuous life-experiences on Earth we grow.

Also on the right hand side we find two large green and yellow figures that symbolize men and women. Green indicates the masculine principle and yellow is feminine. 

In the animal kingdom we are divided into those two sexes and we need to unite with the opposite sex in order to feel whole and get a glimpse of happiness.

According to Martinus this is why we compete and fight. It is therefore the source of darkness.

Now opposite sex qualities are, however, growing within each of us. Because of this increase in individual wholeness, from section no. 28 and onwards we are less fit for marriage.

This is a big issue for many people today. If you want to dig further into the subject of unhappy marriages, read: Why are relationships so difficult?

In section 31 the green and yellow parts of the male and female figures have become equally wide. It goes to show that real humans are completely whole in themselves or so-called “double poled”.

From that point we are no longer divided into sexes, there are no couples and we are all-loving. That’s our final destination. At that point we are overshadowed by the spirit of God, as indicated by the flames at the top of the symbol.

Symbol 33 as a tool for working with ourselves

The tie-shaped figures on symbol 33 map different features that appear at a specific time in evolution, grow, peak and then decline. Below, each one of them are explained in short.

Getting acquainted with those details about terrestrial humanity, we sharpen our self-knowledge. 

For instance we can take a good look at figures no. 12 and 13 since they are culminating in our present period of evolution. 

The symbol is useful as a working tool in personal development. We should try to enhance and cultivate truly humane features. The declining animal thought forms are, on the other hand, better left behind.

Figure no. 9: The terrestrial human body

From being a coarse tool for survival under primitive conditions, our body is gradually refined towards the end of the animal kingdom.

Figure no. 10: The killing principle

The killing principle is a major part of self preservation because animals have to attack each other or defend themselves, kill or be killed. Figure 10 also symbolizes the dark karma that these killings bring about.

Figure no. 11: Thoughts that promote death and suffering

Symbolises the kinds of thoughts that causes murder and killing. Those are for instance jealousy, envy, professional rivalry, greed, robbery, fraud, hatred, vengefulness and thirst for power.

Figure no. 12: Arrogant and ambitious kinds of thoughts

Fundamental to this figure is self-worship. Without any justification the being sees itself as superior to others. Here we also meet the desire to be worshiped, honored and highly esteemed. This in turn gives rise to vanity, snobbery and complacency. Slander and derogatory remarks are not unfamiliar within this thought climate either.

Figure no. 13: Birth pangs of the real human kingdom

Shows unfortunate side effects of increased inner wholeness; such as many divorces, unhappy love, crimes of passion, suicide, perversities, sadism and sex murders, pyromania, kleptomania and other derailments. People far advanced in regard to universal love may be persecuted by those who are not.

Figure no. 14: The emergence of neighborly love

Caused by suffering, and concurrent with the emerging wholeness, we become more and more humane and compassionate. When fully developed (in section 31), the warmth of neighborly love causes us to give rather than take, forgive everyone and dissolve war, hatred and persecution.

Figure no. 15: Art in the animal kingdom

Art expresses the ideals of the various steps in evolution. For instance, early art glorifies conquerors and victors of war. Present day art praises amorous love. Typically heroes are also rewarded and villains punished. True human art is, however, about forgiveness and universal love.

Figure no. 16: The religious principle

Religions developed from worshiping gods of war and into the more humane world religions of today. Due to our improved intellectual abilities we are, however, not satisfied with faith anymore and therefore religions now degenerate in favor of spiritual science.

Figure no. 17: Psychic sensory faculties

This figure symbolizes all high-psychic forces. They form the basis of magic, black as well as white. Psychic abilities are also used in such phenomena as clairvoyance, telepathy and prayer.

Figure no. 18: The great birth

The great birth endows us with “cosmic consciousness”. This high level in evolution is only reached when we have become so outstandingly humble and loving that we can be totally overshadowed by God’s own consciousness.

Figure no. 19: “The Paraclete, the holy ghost”

Life’s very highest thought climate. The being can move freely in the spiritual worlds. According to Martinus this elevated state of mind is what was prophesied by Christ as the coming of “the Paraclete, the holy spirit”.

Figure no. 20: Materialization and dematerialization

The being creates its organism using the power of thought and therefore appears to others only in what we call “visions” or “revelations”. Reincarnation has ceased.

Personal development in the present stage of evolution

Our personal issues differ but in general, like I said, we might take a good look at figure no. 12 and 13 because they are culminating and therefore most of us will have difficulties and issues that relate to those figures.

Personally, I think that ambition (figure no. 12) is very interesting to look at for several reasons. 

I certainly have my own issues in that area but I also think that this particular thought climate is deeply rooted in our capitalistic societies. We tend to compete and we often praise the winners.

If on the other hand we fail to succeed, we may experience difficult self-esteem issues as well as envy towards those who did manage. 

According to Martinus, however, the highest developed beings have “absolutely no ambition”. 

Those beings also have: “No thirst for power, no envy, no desire to oppress other beings in order to get to the top oneself and be admired and honored” (The Eternal World Picture 3, sec. 33.74). 

So in order to move forward sooner or later we have to leave our personal ambitions behind in favor of love and humility. This development will come about in any case due to the hard lessons of karma.

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To get a much more solid understanding of symbol 33, read The Eternal World Picture 3, sect. 33. It’s available online here.

High self-esteem: You need an all-embracing world view

Self love or high self-esteem is promoted by an all-embracing world view. Photo by De’Andre Bush.

In this piece I explain how lack of self-worth is rooted in cultural notions of good and evil; due to them we are sort of broken in two and coming to terms with the “evil” part is important for our healing process. An all-embracing world view provides a very good framework for that. I therefore propose that you consider evil to be an “unpleasant good”.

Did you ever think: “I hate myself”? Personally I tend to repeat that over and over in some cases, for instance if I feel stuck or unable to succeed in some endeavor. 

Actually I question myself too much in all kinds of situations. Then other similar lines of thought go through my head, like: “I am afraid to be wrong” and “the others won’t like me”. 

I am not alone in this regard. Mostly all of us seem to have some self-esteem issues. Giving advice on personal development, it is therefore also very common to say that we should “love ourselves”. 

But why don’t we do so in the first place?

Psychological issues are often assumed to be founded in childhood experiences but, if most of us have self-esteem issues, then it doesn’t seem to be only a matter of how we were raised.

In order to properly understand it, I think we have to apply a broader perspective and I believe that cultural notions of good and evil lie at the heart of this widespread problem. 

Good versus evil causes an internal split 

Actually, my reasoning on this matter is rather simple: We celebrate light and hate darkness. But since darkness is part of ourselves, logically we cannot avoid some measure of self-hatred.

“Repression” hide unwanted parts of ourselves. Photo by Philbo.

The judgmental “good versus evil” kind of thinking is inherently unloving. It introduces a split between the worthy and the unworthy and promotes “conditional” love; that’s love which is only granted if we behave in the right way. 

The split is internalized in the course of socialization where we learn to see ourselves with the eyes of others. 

From there comes “repression”. The father of modern psychology, Freud (1856-1939), said that we repress unwanted parts of ourselves; that is, they become subconscious and so we cease to recognise their existence.

Repressed material may for example include greed, jealousy, anger and hatred.

However repressed, those feelings still influence our lives in unfortunate ways, for instance we “project” them and thereby put the blame on others. 

Therefore psychological therapy involves rediscovering the repressed material in order to get a more balanced self-perception and to become whole again. 

No judging promotes high self-esteem 

You may think that there is no other option except to deem some kind of behavior as “good” and “praise worthy” whereas other kinds must be deemed “bad” or “evil”. 

However, even if this morality is normal and habitual for us, there is in my opinion a higher kind of ethics in modern holistic spiritually like Martinus Cosmology.

Here darkness is named “the unpleasant good”. As such it is meaningful and easier to accept. 

The holistic approach is so to speak “all inclusive”. 

It involves several arguments for an all-embracing attitude of tolerance and forgiveness towards ourselves as well as others, for instance:

• Life experience depends on contrasts. Using white paint on a white canvas is pointless. We need the dark hues as well and so they are unpleasant but good.

• We all do what we can based on what we have learned. To judge therefore resembles blaming the kids in first grade that they are not yet in higher school classes. 

• Due to the law of karma, we make our own destiny. Whatever you experience it mirrors who you are and what you created; and so you gain self-knowledge. 

• To be confronted with suffering, or the so-called evil, is how we learn both wisdom and compassion. It is therefore good and beneficial to our own development. 

I think one of the great benefits of this system of thought, or world view, is that it allows us to love unconditionally which heals the split inside us and promotes high self-esteem (as well as love for others). If everything is very good, as Martinus claims, then so are YOU.

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Read my personal story about how I was taught self-loathing in a previous life: SELF-LOATHING: HOW I WAS TAUGHT TO FEEL GUILTY IN A PAST LIFE.

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Self-loathing: How I was taught to feel guilty in a past life

In some versions of Christianity sinners are warned against hell and damnation. Photo by Marc Schaefer.

Maybe in a previous life, I was taught to feel guilty and to believe in a version of Christianity where sinners are warned against hell and damnation. This is my personal story.

At a small gathering with a few of my closest friends, one of them, O, told us about a nuisance that tormented him for long periods of his life. He described it as a recurring pain in his forehead and also came up with a possible explanation: “It may be caused by an old belief that I am not allowed to feel good”. 

“Furthermore”, he said, “I think that in a past life, I preached sin and guilt and that a remnant of this sense of guilt is left there in my forehead like a dark stain”.

I doubt that O would get into that rather unusual explanation in other settings but the four of us share mostly everything. Since we are spiritually inclined, we are also very familiar with the concept of reincarnation and receptive to ideas about how past lives may have influenced this one.

I had no problems imagining O preaching such a medieval version of Christianity in a previous lifetime. I envisioned him filled with holy wrath taking his audience to task and warning them about the flames of hell and eternal damnation.

Then suddenly, to show what kind of a preacher he once was, he turned towards me, pointed his finger at me and said in a very decisive manner: “You are a sinner!” And more stuff like that. I was sort of paralyzed and felt as if I was taken back in time. I don’t believe in sin at all but for a moment there, I was captured by his words as if I was one of his past followers.

Feeling guilty and unworthy 

I didn’t get any religious upbringing and words like God, sin and hell were hardly even mentioned in my childhood home. Today I do believe in God but my concept of God is very different from the traditional Christian one.

To me God is certainly not wrathful, but all-loving, forgiving and benevolent. To think that sinners are unworthy and subject to God’s judgment, hell and damnation, is far from my beliefs.

Therefore I was baffled by the ease with which I responded to O’s words and suddenly adopted such unfamiliar ideas. 

How could that be? 

Looking for a plausible explanation, I asked myself if traditional Christian dogmas are actually not unfamiliar to me after all, but only forgotten; maybe I was once a true believer of them and maybe I was really present there in the flesh listening to O’s sermon several lives back.

If that’s the case, then, like O, subconsciously I may still hold remnants of those dogmas even if my conscious beliefs about God and the afterlife are totally different now. 

And then my present day self-esteem issues would make better sense; for instance the fact that I sometimes hate myself for no good reason at all.

Hidden causes of low self-esteem

O’s story and my reaction to it made me wonder if self-esteem (or the lack of it) is not just taught in the formative years of our present lives, as psychologists would have it, but also something we carry with us from past lives. 

The story also pointed to how opposing ideas about the self and its relation to God may coexist in our mentality: 

On the one hand a conscious belief that God is all-loving and that each one of us is absolutely worthy of that love, and yet on the other hand subconsciously we may fear to be unworthy and undeserving.

Even if we were not taught to believe in a wrathful, unloving God in this life we may still harbor that unfortunate idea and along with it a hidden “talent” for looking down on, or even hating, ourselves. 

The unconscious God image may possibly lay dormant or it may actively undermine our self-esteem even if our conscious beliefs are well suited to make us feel good about ourselves.

If that’s the case, then I think it is important that we become aware of our subconscious God image and try to counter its negative influence. Being aware of self-hatred, and its causes, makes us better equipped to handle it. Even just naming it has, in my experience, a very beneficial effect. 

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Get to know more about handling self-esteem issues and further investigate the connection between worldview, God image and perception of self: HIGH SELF-ESTEEM: YOU NEED AN ALL-EMBRACING WORLD VIEW

Why are relationships so difficult?

Relationships are often difficult and most people have tried to break up. Photo: Frankie Cordoba.

If romantic relationships are difficult for you, you probably wondered why and you probably felt bad about it; at least that’s what I did for many years. In this post I like to provide a new understanding of why relationships often fail and why so many of us are single. I hope to make you feel better about yourself. The purpose is not to give dating advice but if you come to feel good about yourself that certainly helps your dating too.

For a very long time I have been thinking about singlehood, failed relationships, bad relationship choices and issues like that. Actually, I have been thinking about those issues since I was a teenager because in those days I realized that I myself had one very difficult problem; I was unable to be in a relationship since I only fell in love with someone I couldn’t get.

So I started thinking. And since my problems in that regard were very persistent, I kept on thinking about those issues for many years. Along the way I came up with some solutions and I started to feel that I kind of solved those problems in my own life or at least I was not tormented by them anymore. Based on my own experiences and thoughts as well as some theoretical knowledge, I also started helping other people. I had clients and I even wrote two books (in Danish) about my ideas. 

I used to both pity and blame myself for being unsuccessful in relationships. I also used to believe that romantic love was the doorway to happiness and since this particular door had slammed in my face, I thought that I would never be happy.

I guess thinking like that is kind of normal because we celebrate marriage. Everyday on the radio we hear mostly romantic songs. In Hollywood movies the hero gets the girl in the end and they live happily ever after. That’s the one important happiness narrative in Western culture. Today I no longer worry much about failing in that regard because I think that the narrative is flawed. 

Attachment theory falls short

As I recall it, when I studied psychology at university many years ago I was only presented with one explanation to why relationships fail and that’s “attachment theory”. The theory was originally developed by the British psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990) and his American-Canadian co-worker the developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999).

According to them, our ability to form deep and enduring emotional bonds are based on early experiences with our primary caregivers and therefore the theory is also sometimes used to say that adult relationship patterns are modeled on those childhood experiences.

The theory identifies four different attachment patterns that are visible from an early age, that’s “secure”, “ambivalent”, “avoidant” and “disorganized”. Most children are secure, they feel safe and confident. Supposedly they also form good relationships as adults.

The ambivalent children on the other hand are insecure, distrustful and suffer from separation anxiety. As adults they tend to cling to and feel unloved by their partners. The avoidant children tend to stay away from intimacy altogether as adults and the same goes for the disorganized children who also have a hard time controlling anger and other emotions. 

I am sure attachment theory has some truth to it. In my opinion it is, however, not able to account for why so many people have overwhelming relationship issues and why large parts of us either get divorced or do not marry at all.

That’s a general trend in many Western societies and therefore it doesn’t really make sense to try to explain it in terms of individual childhoods. It seems to me that we need to develop other kinds of explanations and that if you are unable to be in a long term couples relationship it doesn’t necessarily mean that something went wrong in early bonding. 

How do you feel about intimacy?

I think it is important to discern the “why” in each individual case. Do you for instance stay away from intimacy due to fear? And, if so, is it a “good” or a “bad” fear. A good fear is when you are afraid of something dangerous. That’s reasonable. It serves you well and keeps you out of danger.

A bad fear, however, is irrational. We call it anxiety or phobia. It resembles an allergic reaction to something that is healthy. For instance, if you are allergic to apples it is probably not very sensible. For some reason your body’s immune system has categorized it in a wrong way. Likewise intimacy and close relationships are good for us, so a basic fear of that is what I call bad fear.

Do you fear intimacy? Photo: Sinitta Leunen

A bad fear like that may have arisen from insensitive parenting as attachment theory suggests. Since it happened at a very early age you don’t remember but subconsciously you are convinced that you must watch out for intimate relationships. If that’s your problem, then you do have a problem. 

But what if the case is very different; for example you do not fear intimacy and you enjoy close relationships but you get easily tired of being in a couples relationship? Maybe you prefer freedom. Or what if you fall in love in November but come January you already forgot about it? What if you are passionate about something else, not marriage? Or if somehow you sense that romance is not really the kind of love that you are looking for?

These examples may not have anything to do with problems in early bonding. However, since our predominant happiness narrative is so closely related to romance, I think that Western culture pretty much fails to address these issues and to provide a deeper understanding of the involved people’s psychology.

As a result, we don’t have a good framework for understanding ourselves in those situations. You may easily come to think: “What is wrong with me?” Therefore a lot of people end up struggling with both confusion and low self esteem if they don’t fit very well into our cultural notions of romantic love. 

Martinus’s view on relationships

When I was in my early twenties I started reading the Danish author Martinus (1890-1981). His writings on spiritual issues are vast and comprehensive; his main work alone, Livets Bog (The Book of Life), entails thousands of pages in seven volumes. I don’t expect you to know anything about him. Even in Denmark he is not commonly known but parts of his writings are translated into numerous languages.

Reading him I began to see things in a new perspective and I realized that my own problems might not be caused by fear of intimacy and bonding issues but rather they might be signs of something natural and meaningful. 

According to Martinus, relationship issues are not a mistake because a new kind of love is on the rise and problems with the old romantic kind is an intrinsic part of the transformational process. 

He sees modern developments in our relationship and family structures as part of a larger evolutionary scheme. He uses the term “zone of unhappy marriages” for our present stage in that evolution and says that our ability to form marriages has been degenerating for a long time already.

It doesn’t sound like a very nice idea, does it? So why would that comfort me in any way? Well, since I used to think that something was wrong with me, the suggestion that I was on the right track was very appealing. What a relief!

According to Martinus, relationship issues are not a mistake because a new kind of love is on the rise and problems with the old romantic kind is an intrinsic part of the transformational process. 

Marital love and neighborly love

He portrayed two kinds of love, “marital love” and “neighborly love”. You may say that marital love is for the one whereas neighborly love is for everyone. Martinus proclaimed that we are all influenced to some degree by both of these two kinds of love but that we differ greatly with regard to our make-up, that is some of us are very much into marital love whereas others are more or less dominated by neighborly love.

He also said that the first one is in decline and the second one is growing. Even if this transition is slow and organic, it is also progressing steadily and will ultimately, in a far off future, lead to a total restructuring of our love lives so that neighborly love takes over completely leaving no room whatsoever for marriages. 

The two kinds of love are conflicting forces because, if you truly love your neighbor, your wife or husband may easily feel neglected or jealous. They will soon realize that they are not the one and only since neighborly love is all encompassing, meaning the object of that love is not just one woman or one man but every woman and every man.

That’s why if you are looking for a partner, you would do well to consider if the two of you have similar make-ups. If both of you are dominated by marital love you will likely be joined at the hip. But if one of you is dominated by neighborly love and the other by marital love, your relationship will probably suffer a lot from that disharmony and you might not stick together for very long.

Marital love is the kind of love you feel when you “fall in love”. It is a natural phenomenon in all of the animal kingdom. It is instinctive and hormone-driven, and I think it is fair to say that this is the kind of love that will most often convince us to start a family. For some of us, though, this kind of love is not at all what it used to be. Our ability to fall in love like that has become eroded and fragmented.

According to Martinus we will experience that more and more in the future. This means that increasing numbers of us will have difficult and unhappy marriages or will not get married at all. If you are like that, your appetite for relationships is rather small and you also may no longer feel like having kids. Those big meals are too much for you. 

Heartaches in the transitional period

During the period of transition your love life may lead to numerous heartaches and give rise to a lot of confusion. At some point you may realize that you are like a wounded refugee in a no-man’s land between the realms governed by these two kinds of love.

Caught up in the middle you might try to fulfill the requirements of both but since they represent opposing ideals and practices you will probably end up failing either way. If you are no longer able or fit to marry and if you are not yet able to truly love your neighbor either, you will have to limp along doing everything in a half-hearted way.

For some that struggle may be very intense and painful whereas for others it is less acute but most of us living in the modern world will probably feel its weight to some degree.

Even if it sounds depressing it is not all bad because you may also experience some progression, for instance getting better and more intimate friendships even with your ex’es or with those girls or guys that you used to date. That’s a good sign showing that neighborly love is on the rise in your mentality.

So to recap, relationship issues may hurt a lot and getting your heart broken may happen too often, however, that doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. On the contrary, if Martinus is correct, you are probably on the right track in a large transitional process. Hopefully, thinking about it like that will allow you to feel better and more confident. That may even help your dating.

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Follow this blog, I will soon give out more advice on dating and relationship issues.

STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT COMPLAINTS

How do you feel about complaints? Do you think that people are complaining way to much and do you maybe feel like complaining about them? So, that you would say to yourself: “Oh, this person is always complaining. He or she will never be happy. I get so tired from listening to that crap!” Maybe you like to tell him/her: “Stop complaining!”

But occupying yourself with those thoughts, do you realize: “What happens to my own energy or vibrational pattern?”

Written by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen and Jens W. Pedersen

When we think about “STOP” it is a kind of opposition and another kind of negativity or intolerance. You may actually say that it is a complaint. It is of course normal for us to want something to stop or to go away. But it is not the best kind of focus. If we want something to change then it is better to focus on what is wanted instead of focus on the unwanted – cause we attract what we are thinking about.

Therefore it is important to let things be the way they are cause then we don’t use our energy in the wrong way. If we oppose something people say or do, or if we oppose our own thoughts, then, actually, we put energy into those thoughts, words and doings. This is likely to only make them stronger and more prevalent, generating more of those kind of vibrations in our own lives.

Why do we complain anyway?

Expectations
When someone fail to meet our expectations we start complaining. It is very common in relationships. It is like the man should help with the dishes or else the woman will complain or vice versa. Or maybe when dating, the woman expects that he will pay the bills or she will complain about him.

Conditions
A condition is a bit like an expectation. It is when we demand for someone to behave in a certain way for us to love or accept them. So it is conditional love. For instance in a parent and children relationship. The parents demand, that the child behave and respect them and if not they will complain and disagreement begins.

This is also a dominant issue in immigration: “This is actually a very big thing to Danish integration. The government want us, the immigrants, to act and live like Danes and assimilate into Danish society. It is not possible, though, because we have different life experiences. But if the immigrants don’t meet those conditions people react and complain.” – Suzette Lyn Michaelsen

Judging
This is very common everywhere, for instance at work. Some people get stuck on a specific negative perception about another person’s abilities or character. So they will focus only on the mistakes and failures of that person. For instance, a woman is doing good work at her machinery, but one little mistake causes lots of complaints from her co-workers.

Resistance
This goes on at a subconscious level. In the Law of Attraction it is said that resistance consists of fears and doubts. As a result of a human defence mechanism, people complain to hide their own insecurity. So you feel bad about yourself and because of that you get angry or annoyed with someone else, pointing your fingers at that person.

Comparison
Complaints may be due to comparison. So for instance, a woman is talking gossip and slander to her social circle about the life of some rich person they know. She complains about the luxurious and extravagant lifestyle of this person. But actually, she want to put that person down to hide her envy for she is less successful.

Lack of understanding
We don’t really understand why bad things happen in our lives. It does not make sense to us and because of that we complain, thinking: “Why am I so unlucky?” So we complain because we consider us self to be like innocent victims. This is why we need to understand much better how energy works and that everything is a reflection of our own minds.

Be mindful and allowing

Rather than complaining and picking on somebody it is better to be mindful which is observing but not judging. Just let those annoying people be. In mindfulness it is often said, that we should observe life like we observe clouds in the sky. We know it is futile to try and make them go away, so we let them come and go not using much energy on that.

Mindfulness training is good for peace of mind. And this is an important lesson also according to The Law of Attraction that we must accept before we are able to chance. We are not supposed to oppose or fight the behaviour of other people. Nor should we fight our own thoughts but only direct them into a good vibrational pattern.

Complaining is a good subject since we may use that term for every kind of “not allowing”, that is also not allowing our own behaviour, thoughts, feelings and desires. So, complaining may be both internal and external – we may complain about our neighbour doing this or that but also we may complain about ourselves. For instance, I might think: “I ought to be able to work more hours!” Or: “I am useless for finding a girlfriend!” and so forth.

When complaining you get disconnected

What if I were to use those words externally, and for instance tell things like that to a friend of mine? Saying: “You ought to be able to work more hours!” Or: “You are useless for finding a girlfriend!” and so on. I would easily get into a conflict, maybe even lose my friend if I kept on talking to him like that. But how often do you say those things to yourself? Is it not on a regular, everyday basis that would certainly cause internal damage?

When I use those words inside myself it is also a conflict and an unloving behaviour towards myself – causing me to lose my internal friendship with who I am or my Inner Being. And this is why it hurts. Doing that, I am disconnecting me from myself. Or in the words of LOA, I am not “aligned” with my Source.

So, for that reason don’t complain about yourself – but also don’t tell yourself to stop complaining (that is just another complaint). Instead be patient with yourself and start using nice words. Let go of internal as well as external complaints and start thinking about what you like and appreciate about yourself, everyone and everything. That will create a loving vibrational pattern attracting to you more of the same kind and causing you to live your life in love.

Let’s talk about sex baby! Sexual Alignment

 

Story 1

Imagine that you are lying on the bed and your partner is kissing you from your neck to your chest all the way down to your toes. Your partner touch you so hard that you can’t even move. Your mate is stretching your hands so you become completely strength less. You can hear your partner’s desire from the left and right ears. You are just lying, listening and observing because you don’t actually feel anything, and then you say to yourself: “When it’s gonna be over?”

 Story 2

Imagine you are looking into your partner’s eyes, then you feel some sexual desire. Your partner is kissing you on your lips, you close your eyes and enjoy the sensation. You both forget everything around you. You don’t care about anything else. You explore each others bodies … then suddenly you utter these words: “I love you Baby” because you reached the soul of your partner.

Written by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen and Jens W. Pedersen

There is one very important basic principle in The Law of Attraction and that is “contrast”. Above you find two contrasting sex stories. From contrasts we learn, so that knowing one contrast will allow you to wish for the opposite. For instance from experiencing unpleasant sex arises the wish for loving and fulfilling sex.

But sometimes we get stuck with the unpleasant part. Then you will think about that very bad sex all day long – maybe feeling sorry for yourself, maybe angry with that partner of yours doing it all wrong. Or maybe jealous at a friend of yours having great sex.

None of this, however, will benefit you since those negative thoughts create more negativity attracting again those unwished for experiences. For that reason do not use much effort and do not get preoccupied with that which was unpleasant.

But use it to understand what you really like and put your focus and energy into that – by doing so, you direct your thoughts into a good vibrational pattern and in turn those vibrations will attract what is desired. This is how you turn story number one into story number two.

What may hold you back?

When you are making love with someone without any sensation it looks like you are just a puppet following the moves of your master. You may want to change that, but some beliefs, taboos or lack of knowledge hold you back. Those kind of reasons are called “resistance”.

Some people stay that way because they are married and believe that it is our obligation to please our partner. Some pretend to be happy to avoid problems in the relationship. Some obtain this behaviour to avoid judgement from society because of sexual taboos. Some accept this predicament because they are unaware of what they really want.

But the unsatisfied person experience unworthiness, insecurity, sadness, depression and restlessness. So let us further introduce to you sexual urges and liberation so that you may achieve the most exciting and intimate sexual experiences.

We attract our own energy

You need to communicate with your inner self and identify: “What do I really want?” But you may be confused. Then it is like: “I want ice cream but I don’t want to eat it!” We attract our own energy. So if you are confused about sexual desires that will reflect itself in the sex-partners you meet. This may be annoying, but is also useful since that reflection is a mirror. You may use it to understand better yourself.

Take one example:

A man is sexually aroused when he see women with sex appeal and he is very much into them. But at the same time something is off, and so when it comes to real life sex with a woman that matches his desire he is holding back. Hesitating. Feeling insecure about that.

So, there is two opposing energies: The one is sexual desire and attraction, but the other one is hesitation or confusion about those wishes.

The result being: Those attractive women that he desire seem to vanish in front of him. They appear and attract him. He will connect with them over and over again, and they talk or chat for a while, but for some reason those connections never seem to turn into something real and tangible. They appear and vanish, appear and vanish over and over again and it is a reflection of his confusion or not knowing what he want.

So, how will you use that?

You must think again about your own desires. Go through them as many times as needed. Think about what you want and then feel. So, when you think “I want this specific kind of woman” or “I want a same sex partner”, or “I like to have multiple partners”, then notice how it makes you feel. Good? Bad? Safe? Scared? And so on and so forth.

Noticing that will gradually increase your self awareness and balance your thoughts about what you want with those inmost desires of your inner being. When finally they are balanced, you let go of resistance and are able to attract and meet in real life exactly what you want.

Remember, that your present perspective is a narrow one compared to that of your inner being – so, in order to align yourself with your inner being you must always change your perspective from narrow into something broader or all-embracing. Your “guiding system” will help you do that:

Understand your guiding system

When we were young we were told from our parents: “You should not do that, because it is bad”. Some of us who went to church learned that: “It is forbidden to do this and that because it is a sin”. For instance in some cultures it is forbidden or sinful to be a homosexual and due to that a truly homosexual person may reject that part of him or herself.

However, following those directions you may not get what you want because you are controlling yourself based on a worldly perspective. So that’s why it is very important to value your inner being and follow your own guidance system that holds a broader perspective of this existence.

So what is your guidance system and how does it work?

The guidance system is an inner connection with your higher self, your soul or what is in Law of Attraction called your Source. It works through your feelings, so that if you feel good you are in alignment with your Source. In the words of Abraham it is like this: “Until you decide to focus your thoughts into alignment with the Source within you, you will not feel good.”

Now, this might cause some misunderstanding – in order to feel good you might try to change or control your surroundings. You may think: “My lover should not say this or that!” Or: “My partner should not do those things that I dislike!” You may very well think (most of us do) that your husband or wife is the reason why you are not in alignment and therefore not feeling good.

But it is not about them. And to focus your thoughts on what they did wrong, and correcting them, will only make you feel worse – or it will be like peeing your pants. You correct them, and they behave for a while, so you feel good. But then again they will do something stupid, husbands and wives always do. So, after some time, you are back at square one feeling bad again because of what he/she say or do. Correcting them is Sisyphean.

Feeling good is about aligning yourself with the perspective of your Source which is always loving – towards yourself, your partner and everything. So, coming from there sex may be both tender, caring, intimate, wild and free. It is all up to you, your choices and whether or not you are in alignment with your inner being.

“It’s a match!” Make it happen with The Law of Attraction

If you want to be lucky in love there is something else apart from knowing your dating techniques. In this article, we introduce the Law of Attraction as laid out by American Abraham Hicks. And we illustrate that theory using our own life examples. Hopefully you will be able to recognize the workings of “energy” or “spirit” and to benefit from that in your own dating.

Written by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen and Jens W. Pedersen

“It’s 13:05. I’m off now from work. I must hurry home because I made an appointment with my friends.  Yeah! We’re planning to get lunch at the restaurant. I’m late and I still need to get dressed. Oh God! Time is running!

Now, that I am done with my vanity, it’s my car that should be fixed. “Oh yea! I need some gasoline!”  I hate it when I need to do it myself, while I am wearing high heels and a decent dress.

Oh no! Why is that guy looking at me? Is something wrong with the way I am holding this gasoline thing? Oh my God, he is coming! He probably will tell me not to hold it that way or whatever!

But no, that’s how it is: He just wants my telephone number. He is opening an opportunity to get to know me better.”

This is one typical story in Suzette’s life, but why does she attract men like that?

Law of attraction
Suzette is practising the “Law of Attraction” in her daily life. It gives her courage, self-esteem, satisfaction, enthusiasm and happiness in everything she does. Since she practised this method of living, she could always feel the energy in every second of her daily life.

In the language of Law of Attraction it is called “alignment to the Vortex”, which means you flow easily inside—because you are joined with the whole of that which you are.

Even if she is single, she is fine for she believes in “The romance magnet”. She let her radar activated to attract the perfect match. This practice gives her a blissful, colourful and joyful life compared to having a partner who never made her exultant.

There is something called “The desperate dater”. This is someone who is afraid of missing out. And trying to be loved by doing what others want. Or maybe that person will be searching for a partner because he or she is expected to.

We may come to think that we are not successful unless we are in a relationship. Some even think that we must be partners for more than half of our life, and so they believe that number of years is evidence of success.

Now, this fearful attitude and motivation is not beneficial when dating. The law of attraction reveals that success is not about numbers, moments, pictures or description. Perfect romance is about how content and happy you are within.

Jens tells a story about how this high energy works in extraordinary ways:

“Years ago I met a girlfriend using online dating. I used this method for a long time and I had many, many dates before her.

She, on the other hand, only did the following: She set up a free profile that lasted for one day only. She spent a few hours searching through many profiles and then contacted me. Only me. She said that my profile was the only one where she liked both pictures and text.

So, she sent a message with her phone number, and I called her. On our first date, a man came by and gave us two tickets for a show at The Royal Theater that same evening – so it became a very long date and the start of a long-term relationship.

This unusual story contains elements of something that looks very much like luck or coincidence. But I think many good love stories are like that.

I often wondered, though, why it was so easy for her, whereas I had to go through all sorts of dates before meeting the right one.

And if it is not to be considered luck or mere chance, then I think it must be due to our individual energies or wishes. Maybe I just didn’t know very well what I was looking for. In the words of Law of Attraction her “radar” apparently worked much better than mine.”

So now, let’s explore the radar in further detail.

Know yourself or inner being
Practising Law of Attraction, the one who is in alignment comes on our radar. No one else will show up. To ensure that, we should first visualize the perfect person who can match our desire. Make a list of what that person will be like.

The list should, however, come from your inner self’s desire. Not from an outer source like somebody else’s expectation. It is not a rich guy or a beautiful girl that our surroundings will approve of.

The list should only consist of those traits that will match you and bring you to the Vortex, that is the feeling of being at peace, in high spirits and abundant.

In Jens’s story his desire is not clear for him to activate his vibration and energy. So that will complicate things.

Suzette explains how she stays true to herself in order to activate her vibration:

“We think wearing trendy clothes and shoes will attract the opposite sex. But by doing this, you are just pleasing others to make them like you.

I am only using the same colour of lipstick since I learned to wear it. Every summer I have the same style of clothes and shoes. It feels good to be myself. No matter what the trendy jeans looks like, I always wear dresses.

I actually don’t wear the most sexy dresses and shoes. And I was never into breast augmentation to attract men.

We should follow our hearts desire. If an intelligent man will match you and will bring you to the Vortex, so don’t doubt it. If a good sexual experience will match you and will bring you to the Vortex, so don’t doubt it.

Follow your intuition, manifest yourself and focus, then Law of Attraction will be activated and the right one comes onto your radar”.

It is important to know your inner self. And from that knowing you are able to send out authentic wishes.

It is a matter of focus or directing energy. But in order to do that it must be balanced, so that what you do is a projection of your inner being or soul.

Then it turns into a high energy or strong force. On the other hand if you are not tuned into that inner being it will not work very well.

Jens’s real life examples show the importance of focused energy and also how that energy may be lost:

“Sometimes I really want to meet girls and that focus turns into a lot of matches on dating apps. But for some reason I get discouraged: I doubt it. I am not really into her. There may be too many matches, and it’s too much for me, so I get stressed out or tired.

And then suddenly some of them disappear. Or the energy between us is lost and nothing further comes from it.

It seems that at first I send out energy of desire that creates activity and attraction, but then I send out the opposite wish and it creates repulsion.

Likewise, I wondered why I only got very few matches with ethnic Danish women. I liked a whole lot of them on Tinder, so that was kind of strange to me. At first I would think: “Oh, they don’t like me!”

But then I realized it might be the other way around cause in many cases I did not really put my heart into it. I was more excited about exotic women with foreign backgrounds, and that might explain the matter in terms of energy.”

So to know your self is a key issue and from that we are able to focus our energy. But there is something more to it. Cause we do not align with our Vortex unless we are loving and positive.

Love and positivity
Abraham Hicks said that: “You cannot focus upon unwanted and be in the Vortex at the same time”. So, in other words to love and appreciate is another key issue, if you want your energy to flow from that inner being.

So, let’s have a few examples, Suzette tells us about that part of her life:

“The way of activating Law of Attraction is to show compassion and love. Love is the most precious thing a human can have. And if you have love in your heart at all times it will give the long lasting happiness compared to the happiness you may feel buying a new IPhone.

I visited a lady who lives alone in her apartment. She said: “It is so hard to be old, I am all alone, empty and feel unworthy in this life”.

But I held her hand and told her: “Do you know how lucky you are? You had a successful marriage and your children love you. And you know what? I am here for you to comfort you in your loneliness and emptiness.”

Another woman told me: “It is so nice to see a happy person coming to me today. You gave something that made my afternoon complete”. When we are happy, positive and optimistic we manifest ourselves as loveable beings.

I also met an old lady at work, and she was very sick. She couldn’t express her thoughts. I was moved when I saw tears falling from her eyes so I wiped it immediately. And following my intuition, I held her hand and told her “I am here for you”. She smiled at me and then lost her breath.”

The last example also goes to show how the flow of energy from your inner being turns into action. Suzette is able to act upon the situation even if the lady cannot express herself. It is intuition that guides her to comfort the old lady in her final hour.

This is what we gain from a loving attitude. And in the same way you will be able to act using intuition in your romantic love life. It will provide your perfect match.

The 3-point cure for unhappy infatuations

What to do with unhappy infatuations? Below you find a cure based on my experience.

Years ago I wrote a 3-point cure for unhappy infatuations. I still believe that it works, so below you will find it in a slightly revised form. It is based on my own experiences, since I used to fall in love with girls who didn’t love me back and so I needed to get a hold on my emotions. The following is what I came up with.

The cure is based on the idea that a person who is unhappy in love is grabbed by his or her emotions and not thinking strait. By reviewing and reflecting on the following three points it is possible to introduce more common sense into the process and healing comes from that:

Point 1: Use your gut feeling
When you can not have another person as a rule you know, BUT you may choose to ignore that knowledge – you catch at a straw and hope that the other one may still …

That want work!

Instead, you should use your gut feeling, it will tell you if that other person is also interested.

Point 2: Be realistic about that person
You may imagine that the other one is something quite amazing and that you’d be SO happy if only …

No, you would not!

If the two of you had a relationship, you would find that he or she is an ordinary person, maybe ill-suited for you, and that your everyday life together will sometimes be dull and boring like it happens in most relationships.

Point 3: See beyond the obsession
When you imagine that the other one is absolutely the ONLY thing and that you NEVER will be happy again unless he or she …

Then you are wrong!

And once the obsession is gone, you may very well end up thinking, “What on earth did I see in that person?”

Letting go of attachment
Thus the three points, they are intended to help you let go of an emotional attachment, which is not good for you – when the cure works well, you will be relieved, freed from an unhappy infatuation.

If it doesn’t work for you, you are very welcome to contact me for guidance.

Here you find contact info and prices.