High self-esteem: You need an all-embracing world view

Self love or high self-esteem is promoted by an all-embracing world view. Photo by De’Andre Bush.

In this piece I explain how lack of self-worth is rooted in cultural notions of good and evil; due to them we are sort of broken in two and coming to terms with the “evil” part is important for our healing process. An all-embracing world view provides a very good framework for that. I therefore propose that you consider evil to be an “unpleasant good”.

Did you ever think: “I hate myself”? Personally I tend to repeat that over and over in some cases, for instance if I feel stuck or unable to succeed in some endeavor. 

Actually I question myself too much in all kinds of situations. Then other similar lines of thought go through my head, like: “I am afraid to be wrong” and “the others won’t like me”. 

I am not alone in this regard. Mostly all of us seem to have some self-esteem issues. Giving advice on personal development, it is therefore also very common to say that we should “love ourselves”. 

But why don’t we do so in the first place?

Psychological issues are often assumed to be founded in childhood experiences but, if most of us have self-esteem issues, then it doesn’t seem to be only a matter of how we were raised.

In order to properly understand it, I think we have to apply a broader perspective and I believe that cultural notions of good and evil lie at the heart of this widespread problem. 

Good versus evil causes an internal split 

Actually, my reasoning on this matter is rather simple: We celebrate light and hate darkness. But since darkness is part of ourselves, logically we cannot avoid some measure of self-hatred.

“Repression” hide unwanted parts of ourselves. Photo by Philbo.

The judgmental “good versus evil” kind of thinking is inherently unloving. It introduces a split between the worthy and the unworthy and promotes “conditional” love; that’s love which is only granted if we behave in the right way. 

The split is internalized in the course of socialization where we learn to see ourselves with the eyes of others. 

From there comes “repression”. The father of modern psychology, Freud (1856-1939), said that we repress unwanted parts of ourselves; that is, they become subconscious and so we cease to recognise their existence.

Repressed material may for example include greed, jealousy, anger and hatred.

However repressed, those feelings still influence our lives in unfortunate ways, for instance we “project” them and thereby put the blame on others. 

Therefore psychological therapy involves rediscovering the repressed material in order to get a more balanced self-perception and to become whole again. 

No judging promotes high self-esteem 

You may think that there is no other option except to deem some kind of behavior as “good” and “praise worthy” whereas other kinds must be deemed “bad” or “evil”. 

However, even if this morality is normal and habitual for us, there is in my opinion a higher kind of ethics in modern holistic spiritually like Martinus Cosmology.

Here darkness is named “the unpleasant good”. As such it is meaningful and easier to accept. 

The holistic approach is so to speak “all inclusive”. 

It involves several arguments for an all-embracing attitude of tolerance and forgiveness towards ourselves as well as others, for instance:

• Life experience depends on contrasts. Using white paint on a white canvas is pointless. We need the dark hues as well and so they are unpleasant but good.

• We all do what we can based on what we have learned. To judge therefore resembles blaming the kids in first grade that they are not yet in higher school classes. 

• Due to the law of karma, we make our own destiny. Whatever you experience it mirrors who you are and what you created; and so you gain self-knowledge. 

• To be confronted with suffering, or the so-called evil, is how we learn both wisdom and compassion. It is therefore good and beneficial to our own development. 

I think one of the great benefits of this system of thought, or world view, is that it allows us to love unconditionally which heals the split inside us and promotes high self-esteem (as well as love for others). If everything is very good, as Martinus claims, then so are YOU.

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Read my personal story about how I was taught self-loathing in a previous life: SELF-LOATHING: HOW I WAS TAUGHT TO FEEL GUILTY IN A PAST LIFE.

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STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT COMPLAINTS

How do you feel about complaints? Do you think that people are complaining way to much and do you maybe feel like complaining about them? So, that you would say to yourself: “Oh, this person is always complaining. He or she will never be happy. I get so tired from listening to that crap!” Maybe you like to tell him/her: “Stop complaining!”

But occupying yourself with those thoughts, do you realize: “What happens to my own energy or vibrational pattern?”

Written by Suzette Lyn Michaelsen and Jens W. Pedersen

When we think about “STOP” it is a kind of opposition and another kind of negativity or intolerance. You may actually say that it is a complaint. It is of course normal for us to want something to stop or to go away. But it is not the best kind of focus. If we want something to change then it is better to focus on what is wanted instead of focus on the unwanted – cause we attract what we are thinking about.

Therefore it is important to let things be the way they are cause then we don’t use our energy in the wrong way. If we oppose something people say or do, or if we oppose our own thoughts, then, actually, we put energy into those thoughts, words and doings. This is likely to only make them stronger and more prevalent, generating more of those kind of vibrations in our own lives.

Why do we complain anyway?

Expectations
When someone fail to meet our expectations we start complaining. It is very common in relationships. It is like the man should help with the dishes or else the woman will complain or vice versa. Or maybe when dating, the woman expects that he will pay the bills or she will complain about him.

Conditions
A condition is a bit like an expectation. It is when we demand for someone to behave in a certain way for us to love or accept them. So it is conditional love. For instance in a parent and children relationship. The parents demand, that the child behave and respect them and if not they will complain and disagreement begins.

This is also a dominant issue in immigration: “This is actually a very big thing to Danish integration. The government want us, the immigrants, to act and live like Danes and assimilate into Danish society. It is not possible, though, because we have different life experiences. But if the immigrants don’t meet those conditions people react and complain.” – Suzette Lyn Michaelsen

Judging
This is very common everywhere, for instance at work. Some people get stuck on a specific negative perception about another person’s abilities or character. So they will focus only on the mistakes and failures of that person. For instance, a woman is doing good work at her machinery, but one little mistake causes lots of complaints from her co-workers.

Resistance
This goes on at a subconscious level. In the Law of Attraction it is said that resistance consists of fears and doubts. As a result of a human defence mechanism, people complain to hide their own insecurity. So you feel bad about yourself and because of that you get angry or annoyed with someone else, pointing your fingers at that person.

Comparison
Complaints may be due to comparison. So for instance, a woman is talking gossip and slander to her social circle about the life of some rich person they know. She complains about the luxurious and extravagant lifestyle of this person. But actually, she want to put that person down to hide her envy for she is less successful.

Lack of understanding
We don’t really understand why bad things happen in our lives. It does not make sense to us and because of that we complain, thinking: “Why am I so unlucky?” So we complain because we consider us self to be like innocent victims. This is why we need to understand much better how energy works and that everything is a reflection of our own minds.

Be mindful and allowing

Rather than complaining and picking on somebody it is better to be mindful which is observing but not judging. Just let those annoying people be. In mindfulness it is often said, that we should observe life like we observe clouds in the sky. We know it is futile to try and make them go away, so we let them come and go not using much energy on that.

Mindfulness training is good for peace of mind. And this is an important lesson also according to The Law of Attraction that we must accept before we are able to chance. We are not supposed to oppose or fight the behaviour of other people. Nor should we fight our own thoughts but only direct them into a good vibrational pattern.

Complaining is a good subject since we may use that term for every kind of “not allowing”, that is also not allowing our own behaviour, thoughts, feelings and desires. So, complaining may be both internal and external – we may complain about our neighbour doing this or that but also we may complain about ourselves. For instance, I might think: “I ought to be able to work more hours!” Or: “I am useless for finding a girlfriend!” and so forth.

When complaining you get disconnected

What if I were to use those words externally, and for instance tell things like that to a friend of mine? Saying: “You ought to be able to work more hours!” Or: “You are useless for finding a girlfriend!” and so on. I would easily get into a conflict, maybe even lose my friend if I kept on talking to him like that. But how often do you say those things to yourself? Is it not on a regular, everyday basis that would certainly cause internal damage?

When I use those words inside myself it is also a conflict and an unloving behaviour towards myself – causing me to lose my internal friendship with who I am or my Inner Being. And this is why it hurts. Doing that, I am disconnecting me from myself. Or in the words of LOA, I am not “aligned” with my Source.

So, for that reason don’t complain about yourself – but also don’t tell yourself to stop complaining (that is just another complaint). Instead be patient with yourself and start using nice words. Let go of internal as well as external complaints and start thinking about what you like and appreciate about yourself, everyone and everything. That will create a loving vibrational pattern attracting to you more of the same kind and causing you to live your life in love.