By Jens W. Pedersen
Author and coach, Jens W. Pedersen, believes we cannot demand unconditional love, unless we are able to give it. Read his thoughts on how to part with the idea of someone who loves you completely and without conditions:
Within psychology, it is often said that we need to experience unconditional love in childhood. If not, as adults we are still searching for that kind of love and thus meet others with a “look at me!” and “love me!” – we are still trying to grab that unconditional love but it is too late and all in vain.
This psychological mechanism easily plays tricks on us, but blaming childhood does no good when as adults we need to take responsibility for our own lives. By focusing too much on childhood we get stuck in a bitterness that makes matters worse.
You get what you give
Therefore I say instead: You get what you give! So if you want unconditional love, you must be able to provide it. You can’t do that, can you?
Hardly any of us can, and we are therefore not in touch with reality, if we seek that in others – or even require unconditional love from a potential partner.
Even if none of us manage to show unconditional love, we can still practice love – for ourselves and others. This is crucial, for it holds a promise that we will eventually and gradually experience more and more light, love and happiness in our lives.
How to practice
So how do you practice? Try like this:
- Be true to yourself and your beliefs.
- Allow yourself to be who you are.
- Avoid sticking or clinging to love from others.
- Share your love with someone who wants it.
- Know how the actions of others mirrors you own, and forgive them because you might have done the same.
Like I said, my basic point of view is that we get what we give in love. Therefore, to get lucky in love is not a matter of grabbing something – turn your focus away from that urge and be aware of how you can spread happiness around you. If you can bring joy and comfort to those around you in everything you do, then you have achieved your high objective.